Amy Poehler: Five jockeys at a horse race in Australia were attacked by an angry flock of seagulls.
Tina Fey: And…?
Amy Poehler: And they ran. They ran so far away. Couldn’t get away.
Tina Fey: That’s very sad.
Amy Poehler: Yeah.

- Saturday Night Live 30x16

This one kills me. I know it’s not one of Tina and Amy’s most known Weekend Update jokes, but I love it so much.

Tina Fey: The man who inspired Seinfeld’s Soup Nazi character is looking to open a thousand soup franchises nationwide. Way to strike while the iron is hot, dude.

- Saturday Night Live 30x18

Jack: I’m one of your actors, I’m freaking out. Talk me down!
Liz: Okay, here’s your pep talk. You’re not an actor, you’re Jack Donaghy, alright? So quit whining and nut up! You’re right, if you can’t do this, you are a failure. Josh can do this, and earlier today he ate a club sandwich with a toothpick still in it. Jenna can do this, and she was once engaged to David Blaine. Any dumb-dumb can act, Jack. So be a man and get it done.
Jack: If you were any other woman on Earth, I would be turned on right now.

- 30 Rock, 1x05 Jack-Tor

calikalie:

TRACY: You coming, Liz Lemon? Because a dude boss would be a jerk if he didn’t come to Lutz’s bachelor party. Also, a dude boss would pay for it.
LIZ: Yeah. I’m coming. Of course I’m coming. But you’re not.
TRACY: Twist!

30 Rock, 3x20 The Natural Order

uprightcitizens:

Self-explanatory.

A+

Liz: Do the worm! DO THE WORM!
Jack: Good Lord, the worm! It’s so degrading. Are its origins German?
Liz: Now say five reasons I’m better than you!
Josh: You’re smarter than me.
Liz: One!
Josh: You can beat me at arm wrestling.
Liz: Two!
Josh: You read the paper.
Liz: Yeah, suck it. I do read the paper.
Alan: You want me to do anything?
Liz: Be a crab!
Alan: Crab.
Liz: FIGHT THE WORM!
Jack: Liz, you took this like a natural. More than I ever - okay. Now the crab is getting aroused. Shut it down. Shut it down.

- 30 Rock, 1x15 Hard Ball

fuckyeahlizlemon: thumbswithhands:

Why do you sound so surprised? I love America. Just because I think gay dudes should be allowed to adopt kids and we should all have hybrid cars doesn’t mean I don’t love America.

(via lisztomania)

Jack: He’s your opponent. He’s going to try to grab all the marbles and it’s our job to hide them.
Liz: That’s not how you play marbles, Jack.
Jack: But that’s how you keep them.

- 30 Rock, 1x15 Hard Ball

awkwardsilence:

labeledbones:

falulatonks:

labeledbones: humansvsrobots: openupwiiiiiiiiiiiide: boxofrandomness: sunlightandamocha: skysignal:

This should be interesting.

I’m so convinced this movie’s going to suck, but I feel like it’s required viewing anyway.

I feel like this is going to be one of those movies that should suck but with leads like these two, it’s kind of guaranteed to be a lot of fun.

I agree with both, and would also like to say that Tina’s hair will have my attention probably 1/3 of the time. It’s fucking adorable.

She looks extremely pretty in this poster.

Mark: Any messages?
Shelley: Anthony is coming up within the hour to see if he can get up the courage to fire you. If he can’t, he said that he’ll definitely do it tomorrow.
Mark: Anything else? Any messages not to do with being fired?
Shelley: Well, I told everyone you’re getting fired this week and they shouldn’t expect their calls returned, so no one left any messages.
Mark: Okay. Next time…
Shelley: I don’t think there’ll be a next time.
Mark: Type the message just in case I don’t get fired.
Shelley: You’re almost definitely getting fired.
Mark: Yeah, but I’m still here now, so…
Shelley: Seems like a waste of time.
Mark: No. It’s not. We’re getting payed for it so let’s take the message in case I don’t get-
Shelley: But everyone knows that you are.
Mark: Hasn’t happened yet.
Shelley: Okay. But everyone knows you are.
Mark: I’ll be in the office.
Shelley: I’ll be searching for new jobs on Craigslist.
Mark: You should probably just go on with your work.
Shelley: No, thank you.

- The Invention Of Lying (2009)

pibbplusredvines:

Mark: Morning, Shelley.
Shelley: Hi, Mark.  I realize more and more every day how overqualified I am for this position, and how incompetent you are at yours.
Mark: …any messages?

- The Invention Of Lying (2009)

lisztomania:

LIZ: So, with your agoraphobia, how does this…work?
GAVIN: Well, it’s not easy. We can’t never leave the house. And we’d just probably just sit around all weekend and watch TV.
LIZ: Go on.
GAVIN: There’s not much else to do up here but eat and read celebrity gossip on the internet and nap the day away.
LIZ: Really?
GAVIN: And, unfortunetely, because of my phobias, we could never be physically intimate. I know. What woman would want all that?

30 Rock 3.04 - “Gavin Volure”