Amy Poehler: Five jockeys at a horse race in Australia were attacked by an angry flock of seagulls.
Tina Fey: And…?
Amy Poehler: And they ran. They ran so far away. Couldn’t get away.
Tina Fey: That’s very sad.
Amy Poehler: Yeah.

- Saturday Night Live 30x16

This one kills me. I know it’s not one of Tina and Amy’s most known Weekend Update jokes, but I love it so much.

Tina Fey: The man who inspired Seinfeld’s Soup Nazi character is looking to open a thousand soup franchises nationwide. Way to strike while the iron is hot, dude.

- Saturday Night Live 30x18

- Saturday Night Live 35x10

I love this so much.

Tina Fey: A truck hauling two thousand cases of beer in Toronto, Canada flipped over Wednesday and unleashed a sea of alcohol onto the country’s busiest highway.
Amy Poehler: Woo-hoo! You guys, party on the highway!
Tina Fey: Well, it’s not- it’s not really a party, just beer spilled all over the road—
Amy Poehler: Spilled beer on the road! Who’s comin’ with me?
Tina Fey: It’s- it’s not that fun! Just, like, the bottles broke, the beer just, you know, was in the dirt—
Amy Poehler: Yeah! I’m gonna drink beer dirt in Canada!
Tina Fey: Alright, sorry.
Amy Poehler: Party highway!
Tina Fey: It’s not a party!
Amy Poehler: If you come, it’s a party!
Tina Fey: Alright, I’ll go. But this is the last time that I suck beer out of dirt with you.

- Saturday Night Live 30x19

Megan Mullally: Oh, honey. You know, we’re in our seventh season right now of my hit show Will and… what’s her name? Am I right?!

- Saturday Night Live 31x06

cyborglovesong:

So in the spirit of diversity and fear, please welcome the NBC Peacock Singers with an all-inclusive holiday medley for everyone.

(via guidinglightningstrike)

Tina Fey: Maxim magazine released its annual “Hot 100” list with Eva Longoria at number one, followed by Jennifer Garner and Lindsay Lohan. While I, once again placed between Bonnie Hunt and Joy Behar.

- Saturday Night Live 30x19

Amy Poehler: An outbreak of chlamydia at the San Francisco Zoo has killed twelve penguins. Officials believe the outbreak was either caused by an infected pigeon, or by Ken, the newly-single giraffe.

- Saturday Night Live 30x19

grilledcheesevstaco:

O “I don’t know if it’s me or the real Sarah Palin that’s up there. They’re piñatas; those heads are full of sketch ideas and we’re going to crack them open. New Year’s Day, you bring the kids—kids love coming to Barneys and they love smashing human heads.” -Tina Fey

Tyra Banks: But we did our best…
Amber: That’s what she said!
Tyra Banks: You’re not using that right.
Amber: That’s what she said!
Tyra Banks: Better.

- Saturday Night Live 30x20

Janice Dickinson: Please, sex is a part of this business, okay? I had to sleep with Meatloaf. And that was just to get a ride here today!

- Saturday Night Live 30x20