The Office, 2x16 Valentine’s Day
Have you tried Conan O’Brien?
Oh, yes! Conan is always there for me when I need him. And he’s also there at other times.
If your Conan lasts more than three hours, call a doctor.
My kids always ask for Conan by name and I say, “Did he try to pick you up at school again?!”
PETE: Oh, Lemon. In the ten years that I’ve known you, you’ve had some really terrible boyfriends.
LIZ: I have.
PETE: There was the guy who was obsessed with Charlie Chaplin.
LIZ: Neil.
PETE: There was the guy who played Halo under the name “slutbanger.”
LIZ: Dennis.
PETE: There was the tall, gangly, red-haired guy who played guitar all the time.
LIZ: Conan.30 Rock, 1x03 Blind Date
Tina: They have google alerts and stuff for my name. And I tell them, “Don’t look on the internet. People say horrible stuff.” But they can’t stop themselves. My dad called me a couple of months ago and was like, “Oh, great news. You’re number 7 on the lesbian crushes on afterellen.com.” But he’s really psyched!
Conan: My parents will tell me about stuff I don’t wanna know about.
Tina: Yes! My dad will be like, “Oh boy. That lady from the Washington Post hates you.” Dad, I don’t know what you were talking about, but now I’m mad.
Conan: Yeah. “I don’t think your head looks like an anvil!”
Tina: “Some of those people wanna stab you!”
Conan: That’s the kinda stuff my mom will say to me every now and then. “I don’t think you’re the worst person that ever lived!” Who said that? “Everbody.”
- Late Night with Conan O’Brien
Before we end this rodeo, a few things need to be said. There has been a lot of speculation in the press about what I legally can and can’t say about NBC. To set the record straight, tonight I am allowed to say anything I want. And what I want to say is this: between my time at Saturday Night Live, the Late Night show, and my brief run here on The Tonight Show, I have worked with NBC for over 20 years. Yes, we have our differences right now and yes, we’re going to go our separate ways. But this company has been my home for most of my adult life. I am enormously proud of the work we have done together, and I want to thank NBC for making it all possible.
Walking away from The Tonight Show is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Making this choice has been enormously difficult. This is the best job in the world, I absolutely love doing it, and I have the best staff and crew in the history of the medium. But despite this sense of loss, I really feel this should be a happy moment. Every comedian dreams of hosting The Tonight Show and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and I do not regret a second. I’ve had more good fortune than anyone I know and if our next gig is doing a show in a 7-Eleven parking lot, we’ll find a way to make it fun.
And finally, I have to say something to our fans. The massive outpouring of support and passion from so many people has been overwhelming. The rallies, the signs, all the goofy, outrageous creativity on the Internet, and the fact that people have traveled long distances and camped out all night in the pouring rain to be in our audience, made a sad situation joyous and inspirational.
To all the people watching, I can never thank you enough for your kindness to me and I’ll think about it for the rest of my life. All I ask of you is one thing: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism — it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen. As proof, let’s make an amazing thing happen right now.
Alec Baldwin: Tracy always means a huge rating.
Conan O’Brien: Yeah, you know what else - I’m sorry. You looked up at my hair like it was…
Alec Baldwin: No, I’m not. I’m looking at you. It is! It’s like a French pastry.
Conan O’Brien: You looked up like, “Oh my God, I want a bite of that!”
Alec Baldwin: It’s like a cinnamon napoleon.
- 30 Rock bloopers
