Jack: I’m one of your actors, I’m freaking out. Talk me down!
Liz: Okay, here’s your pep talk. You’re not an actor, you’re Jack Donaghy, alright? So quit whining and nut up! You’re right, if you can’t do this, you are a failure. Josh can do this, and earlier today he ate a club sandwich with a toothpick still in it. Jenna can do this, and she was once engaged to David Blaine. Any dumb-dumb can act, Jack. So be a man and get it done.
Jack: If you were any other woman on Earth, I would be turned on right now.

- 30 Rock, 1x05 Jack-Tor

calikalie:

TRACY: You coming, Liz Lemon? Because a dude boss would be a jerk if he didn’t come to Lutz’s bachelor party. Also, a dude boss would pay for it.
LIZ: Yeah. I’m coming. Of course I’m coming. But you’re not.
TRACY: Twist!

30 Rock, 3x20 The Natural Order

Liz: Do the worm! DO THE WORM!
Jack: Good Lord, the worm! It’s so degrading. Are its origins German?
Liz: Now say five reasons I’m better than you!
Josh: You’re smarter than me.
Liz: One!
Josh: You can beat me at arm wrestling.
Liz: Two!
Josh: You read the paper.
Liz: Yeah, suck it. I do read the paper.
Alan: You want me to do anything?
Liz: Be a crab!
Alan: Crab.
Liz: FIGHT THE WORM!
Jack: Liz, you took this like a natural. More than I ever - okay. Now the crab is getting aroused. Shut it down. Shut it down.

- 30 Rock, 1x15 Hard Ball

fuckyeahlizlemon: thumbswithhands:

Why do you sound so surprised? I love America. Just because I think gay dudes should be allowed to adopt kids and we should all have hybrid cars doesn’t mean I don’t love America.

Jack: Young women will buy just about anything.
[flashback]
Cerie: These sunglasses have a chip in them that makes the lenses change color as my iPod loses power.

- 30 Rock, 1x15 Hard Ball

girlieshow:

01x04 Jack The Writer

Jack: He’s your opponent. He’s going to try to grab all the marbles and it’s our job to hide them.
Liz: That’s not how you play marbles, Jack.
Jack: But that’s how you keep them.

- 30 Rock, 1x15 Hard Ball

calikalie:

JENNA: Kenneth, this is the dress I’ll be wearing to my birthday party. Please make sure no one else plans to wear the same thing.
KENNETH: Yes, ma’am. Did you know Mr. Jordan has never had a birthday party? He was too poor growing up.
JENNA: Oh, that’s horrible! My heart goes out to all the inner-city kids, especially those too fat to dance their way out.

30 Rock, 3x13 Goodbye, My Friend

lisztomania:

LIZ: So, with your agoraphobia, how does this…work?
GAVIN: Well, it’s not easy. We can’t never leave the house. And we’d just probably just sit around all weekend and watch TV.
LIZ: Go on.
GAVIN: There’s not much else to do up here but eat and read celebrity gossip on the internet and nap the day away.
LIZ: Really?
GAVIN: And, unfortunetely, because of my phobias, we could never be physically intimate. I know. What woman would want all that?

30 Rock 3.04 - “Gavin Volure”

Liz: I do not sit on laps.
Gray: Really?
Liz: Nope. Not a lap sitter. Never have been.
Gray: I thought you were trying new things.
Liz: Okay. It’s just that it’s a small girl thing, it’s not a grown lady thing. Okay. Alright, here we go.
Gray: Okay?
Liz: Mhm.
Gray: See? It’s not so bad.
Liz: No, it’s not bad. I keep waiting for something to go wrong.
Gray: Liz, I am not gay, I am not married, I don’t have a human head in my freezer.
Liz: Yeah, but you’re The Hair.
Gray: So are you.
Liz: Okay, we’re gonna do this now right?
Gray: Mhm.
Liz: Why do you have a picture of my great-aunt Dolly?
Gray: Ah, no. That’s my grandmother’s cousin, Dolly.
Both: Dolly Harlan.
Liz: No, I said Dolly…
Both: Harlan.
Liz: From…
Both: Smithtown. Oh my God.
Liz: We’re related!

- 30 Rock, 1x11 The Head and the Hair

calikalie:

LIZ: What are you going to do?
JACK: I’m going to give Kathy the full soap opera while you try to trick a lady with a head injury. We might not be the best people…
LIZ: But we’re not the worst.
JACK AND LIZ: Graduate students are the worst.

30 Rock, 3x01 Do-Over

Liz: The Hair asked me out.
Jenna: What? The The Hair? What did you say?
Liz: I had to say yes. I mean, he looked at me with those crazy handsome guy eyes. It was like the Death Star tractor beam when the Falcon-
Jenna: No, Liz. Do not talk about stuff like that on your date. Guys like that do not like Star Trek.
Liz: WARS!

- 30 Rock, 1x11 The Head and the Hair

Liz: I’m not a lap sitter. Never have been.
[flashback] Nice to see you again.

- 30 Rock, 1x11 The Head and the Hair