Don Draper’s Guide to Picking Up Women

Don Draper: Hello, I’m Don Draper, and I’ve been fortunate enough to have affairs with many women. Some say, “Boy, Don, how do you do it?” Well, it’s simple. And you can do it, too, if you follow my four easy steps.

•Step 1: When in doubt, remain absolutely silent.

Jessica: Hi, I’m Jessica. [Don remains silent, staring at her] We’re shy, aren’t we? [Don remains silent] Marry me! I wanna have your children!

•Step 2: When asked about your past, give vague, open-ended answers.

Second Woman: So, Don… tell me about your family. Any brothers and sisters?
Don Draper: There… was a man with… bright… shiny shoes. I saw him dancing… until the accident.
Second Woman: Oh, how mysterious!

•Step 3: Have a great name.

Nathaniel Snerpus: Hi! I’m Nathaniel Snerpus. [the women roll their eyes, then rise to get away from him]
Third Woman: [to Don] Well, hello!
Don Draper: Don Draper.
Third Woman: Let’s get me out of this skirt.

•And finally, Step 4: Look fantastic in a suit. Look fantastic in casual wear. Look fantastic in anything. Sound good. Smell good.Kiss good. Strut around with supreme confidence. Be uncannily successful at your job. Blow people away every time you say anything. Take six-hour lunches. Disappear for weeks at a time. Lie to everyone about everything. Drink and smoke constantly. Basically… be Don Draper.

- Saturday Night Live 34x06